Thought I was gone for good, did you?
Hardly, mes amis! But, admittedly, I was on one helluva hiatus. Went exploring in the jungles of Raleigh in hot pursuit of one of the world’s most cunning and elusive beasts: the dream job. After a month and a half in the throes of the hunt, I came within spitting distance of this lovely, defiant creature before she spit on me (turns out this proximity is adequately named), kicked up her dainty heals and disappeared into the great vines and overgrowth that make such positions so difficult to come by.
To be slightly less poetic: I spent a month and a half pouring my heart and free time into a multi-step interview process, made it to the 4th of 5 steps in which I met with my would-be boss in Raleigh, then got the news that they had gone with another candidate. On Christmas Eve.
Suffice it to say it was a rough holiday this year. This job wasn’t just some sweet, cushy, creative position that I would have been incredible at. It was my salvation from poverty (seriously, we’re considering applying for virtual food stamps), from a restaurant that’s sinking faster than the Titanic, from feeling like a heap of wasted talent, personality and intelligence. It was going to get me going in a direction that would also allow me to start my life with Jeff – to get married, to travel, to (not just yet, but someday) have children.
Those lofty ideas took some getting over when the whole thing fell through. After a bit of wallowing (did I mention I’d come down with the mother of all colds in the midst of all this?), I woke up this morning with this thought swimming a luxuriant backstroke in my head: since when have I ever thought success was going to be handed to me in such a way? I think I’ve always known that my path was going to be the rocky, meandering, many-forked detour type. But I’ve never doubted that it would get me where I want to be – why would I start now? I got a good look at the paved road. It was gloriously smooth and freshly paved and straight as an arrow.
But it wasn’t mine.
So – I’m headed back to Wilmington this afternoon, back to my little apartment and my crazy and often miserable job at the hibachi. But – Jeff received a valuable piece of photographic equipment this year for Christmas, and we’ve both been investing some time in learning the ropes of digital photo editing. And since I won’t be investing every moment of my spare time pursuing jobs for which I’m either over or underqualified, I’ll have plenty of time to build the job I was made for from scratch. No one will be able to say I didn’t try, anyway.
I’ve always been a proponent of fresh starts – out with the old and in with the new in the most cold turkey of fashions – and with the New Year right around the corner, I see no better time for this one.
Here’s to new adventures and indefatigable curiosity in 2010 – and to creating what you want rather than waiting for it to appear.