Winter Cold Survival Kit:
Please note: This kit works best when someone else brings it to the sick person. One should never have to compile one’s own Survival Kit.
1) 59oz. bottle of Simply brand orange juice (only zee best)
2) 1 box Kleenex fortified with aloe vera and vitamin E
3) 2 cans organic chicken noodle soup (because it sounds healthier and costs about the same these days)
4) 1 package of Halls Natural honey, lemon and chamomile cough drops
5) 1 bottle generic NyQuil-type cough syrup (because – unlike the O.J., soup and cough drops, the cheap stuff does the job)
And last, but certainly not least, no Survival Kit is complete without…
6) Reindeer Food
(I sh#t you not, it comes in miniature red or green dog bowl-type dishes and looks like puppy chow, but is, in fact, tiny cookies that will revive even the miserableist of the miserable)
(And make them fly)
Anyway, gather all the necessary pieces, cart them over to boyfriend’s Sick Person’s house, order him or her to consume and/or use all of them (just not at once), leave him/her to get some rest and watch the magic. They will be looking improved even as you walk out the door.
Possible side effect: you may feel improved as well.
Aforementioned Reindeer Food (You thought I was kidding?):